Anticipation

I typed the word "anticipation" into to the title and looked it up dictionary.com. and I saw the definitions as:
1.
the act of anticipating or the state of being anticipated.
2.
realization in advance; foretaste.
3.
expectation or hope.

And now I think a better word to describe what I'm feeling right now may be "apprehension".
1.
anticipation of adversity or misfortune; suspicion or fear of future trouble or evil.
2.
the faculty or act of apprehending, especially intuitive understanding; perception on a direct and immediate level.
3.
acceptance of or receptivity to information without passing judgment on its validity, often without complete comprehension

But these seems like I'm definitely expecting something bad, and in some ways I really just don't know. Perhaps "concern"? Anyways, I'm in the calm before the storm. Summer is about halfway through, and boring as usual. At least I have work to keep me busy two days a week. Looking back at last semester I don't know how I got through it. And my next semester is going to suck too. Maybe more or maybe less. But everything will ride on this. I really can't believe that I'm halfway through college. Halfway. At least if you do the traditional four year route, which I hope to God that I will.
But I realize that college for me personally hasn't been about what I have learned in the classroom. I figured out in high school that most education is pretty pointless, and grades are not a measure of success. The experience of college has totally changed me as a person. And some of the crappy things that happened to me last semester I wouldn't trade in for the world because of what I got out of it. When my high level of stress, partly from my health problems, caused me to have a conflict with a roommate it made one thing lead to another, and give me an answer to question that I'd been asking God for years and in some ways was angry about. And I was really satisfied with the fact that I could figure out for myself through my experiences.
It sucks to be on a such restricted diet while living in a dorm and only having access to a microwave and not even having a car to get to Trader Joe's. Gone are the days when I can be a normal college student, swipe my ID at the dining hall, and voila. Gone are the days when I can take advantage of free pizza. Yet this has taught me to plan ahead and to be creative and resourceful. I've learned how to make omelets and quesadillas in the microwave.
I learned to advocate for myself. Last semester I learned how to talk to on campus to get what I needed. I begged to the Office of Learning Services to give me a stats tutor for a few weeks until they gave in. I learned how to deal with requesting custom meals and then requesting a meal plan exemption all together because I just couldn't get meals without the risk of cross-contimation. I spent time and stress away from my schoolwork to try to arrange a better housing option for next year so that I could cook for myself, only to end up back in the dorms. I've learned how to adapt to challenges and adversity.
I've been told by several people that they think I've had a rough life. Well, yes, I've had had some crappy things happen to me, but hasn't everyone? To be honest, I feel sorry for people who give up to easily. In my life, I've had to try hard and often fail several times before I can get what I want. It kills me to watch people snap their fingers, and either get it the first time or just give up. If I want something, I don't let anything get in my way.
I've also learned about how people bring different perspectives into situations and have different values. I had an assignment last semester to reflect on personal experiences with diversity I have had in my life involving race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability, religion, and socioeconomic class in a twelve paged single spaced paper. By recalling and reflecting all of these experiences, I realized about how everyone has different characteristics, but we are still all a part of the same humanity. I also grasped that God did not create races, ethnicities, or disabilities. He created each person as an individual and then society created labels and categories. I now strive to see everyone as an individual created by God. Disability, ability, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, and socioeconomic class does influence who someone is. But there should not be generalizations based on these things. We do not need to categorize or stereotype.
People from different backgrounds will bring different perspectives into situations. I am now almost halfway through my college experience. I think that the main thing that I have learned by going away to school is to be more open-minded about other people’s beliefs and opinions. I went to a large public high school that I considered to be very diverse, but college has been a whole other experience. By meeting people from around the country and from different cultures and backgrounds, I have been exposed to different perspectives then the ones I have grown up with. During the first few weeks of my freshman year, I felt a little intimidated being exposed to such a range of new ideas. However, I have found myself starting to be more open to different thoughts and sometimes to even question my own beliefs. I think it is important to remember and respect that people will bring their own perspectives into situations. When having a conflict with someone, it may be caused by different values and listening to each other’s sides may make it easier. Most of what I have learned about diversity has not come from the classroom, but by meeting, interacting with, and attempting to understand different people in my everyday life.

I recall towards the end of my senior year of high school when I got cold feet about going away to college. I sought advice from older friends who had chosen to gone away and got the same answers: That it would be rough, but it was an experience that could never be duplicated and would change you for the better. I'm grateful I took the leap.

I know the fall will be hard. But I anticiapte the next step in my life and want to see what I can gain from each challenge. I'm grateful from the perspecitves I've gained from my experiences and look forward to what will happen next.